Changes
by Kirsten's Nikki
Summary: Kartik has been away for months trying to avoid being captured by the Rakshana.When he comes back, so do Gemma's visions.Can she reform the order and stay alive in the process?PostRebelAngels
1. One Fine Day

One Fine Day

It was unseasonably warm one day in the middle of March. She was overjoyed. Nothing could bring Gemma Doyle down today, and it was not because of the weather. Finally, after waiting a little over three months, Gemma would get to see him once again. She hadn't realized how much she cared for Kartik until he was gone.

Kartik kept her well informed of course. Well, well informed for Kartik at least. Gemma could always tell when he was staying nearby because he would leave longer notes more frequently (without gaps sometimes months long in-between) on her pillow. Some of her favorites included:

_Gemma,_

_Be careful. I won't be able to watch over you for a while. I couldn't forgive myself if something happened to you while I was gone._

_Kartik_

_Gemma,_

_I visited India for a while. I got you a present. I hate where I am staying right now. There's nothing here. No people, no trees, no animals. It's not that I really mind being away from all of those things individually, it's just being void of everything all together. At least if you were here there would be a little bit of color around here. Maybe we would practice dancing if you were here with me. From what I have seen in the last few weeks, the Rakshana have shifted their priorities away from apprehending me. It shouldn't be too much longer. Be waiting._

_Lord Hoity-Toity_

_Gemma,_

_Caves. Tonight. Midnight._

_Kartik_

Finally she would have companionship again. Sure, Felicity and Ann were her best friends, but Gemma always felt as though she was walking on a thin sheet of ice with them-fine and sturdy looking on the surface, threatening to break into the icy waters at any moment. The connection she had felt with them when the foursome had started visiting the Realms was weakened and replaced by that of seeing battle and death. With Kartik, Gemma felt as though things were simpler, and it was easier to be herself.

Gemma sat in a chair outside and gazed into the field at the young girls hiding behind trees and screaming when found by another. She started to mull over the last few months. Her mind went blank over the endless days of waiting and reading dramatic letters written by Simon in an attempt to win her back over, even though she never wrote back. She willed the sun to go down just to make midnight come a little sooner; however, the sun seemed as though it was enjoying making Gemma wait, hanging brightly over the halls of Spence Academy.

"Miss Doyle, a vistor," Brigid called from the door.

"One moment, please." Gemma stood up and yawned. Another girl frowned at her rudeness. The girl was ignored as Gemma walked up the steps and into the foyer to where none other than Simon Middleton was standing.

"Miss Doyle, I would have called on you earlier, but I had to see you now. I know this is completely improper of me, but…" He pulled a small black box very similar to the box with the secret bottom out of his pocket and got down on one knee. "Will you marry me? Before you answer, I already asked your father and grandmother, and they approved! Now we can be happily married forever! What a fine day to celebrate as well!"

Gemma lost all conscious thought. Was he really asking her this after she had pointedly denied him? Then, as quick as a bullet, she felt it. A vision was taking over. Gemma grimaced and pushed it as far away as she could, but she couldn't surface. She screamed and was pulled under.

The familiar scraping was back. "Hello Miss Doyle." Gemma turned to face the owners of the hollow voices-the three girls in white she knew all too well. They smiled menacingly and then disappeared. A moment later, Kartik and Simon were in front of her.

Gemma suddenly felt a strange feeling wash over her. "Kartik! Get away from him!" she screamed protectively.

Simon looked up, smiled, and said, "Gemma, isn't it a fine day?" Just then Simon pulled out a dagger and plunged it deep into Kartik's stomach. As soon as Simon disappeared Kartik grimaced and looked at Gemma with melancholy eyes.

"I love you Gemma," Kartik whispered before he stumbled onto the floor. He was dead. She felt herself being pulled from the vision and woke crying, screaming, and thrashing on the floor. Gemma could hear Simon making snide comments about her behavior to Bridgid.

"Make her stop this ridiculous behavior now!" Choruses of footsteps bellowed down the stairs, and Gemma soon saw Felicity and Ann hovering over her, trying to calm her. Gemma took a deep breath and got up.

"No."

"What are you talking about Miss Doyle? Of course you will stop this horrendous display of character," scoffed Simon.

"No is my answer. I will not marry you, and you will do best to stay away from me," was Gemma's quiet, but intense reply. Simon stood for a moment awestruck. He turned and walked out the door with his head turned to the floor.

"Well, excuse us Bridgid, but we must get Miss Doyle up to her room. She's had quite a spell today and needs bedrest," Felicity said in her most 'I'm up to nothing I swear' tone. Ann and Felicity grabbed Gemma's arms and practically dragged her up the stairs. Once the door to Gemma's and Ann's room was closed, Felicity jumped into gossip mode. "What happened back there? Was it a vision?"

Gemma sighed. "No, I just sort of imagined what Simon did to me that night at you party. It made me feel sick, and I guess I lost control." Gemma felt bad that she had to lie to her only friends, but she couldn't tell them what she had seen just yet. "I need to lie down, that's all. I will probably come down to dinner though."

"Fine," Felicity said, full of disdain that she had been deprived of a scandal. She and Ann left Gemma and shut the door.

"Midnight could not come too soon," Gemma said softly to herself. She turned towards her bed, beginning to lie down. She stopped, however, when she noticed the small note neatly folded on her pillow with Kartik's neat handwriting on the front. _Gemma._ She unfolded it and smoothed the creased edges.

_Gemma,_

_Look out of your window. Now._


	2. Soup and Elephant Rides

Soup and Elephant Rides

I threw down the note and dashed to the windowsill. The shutters were open, letting in a delicate breeze. The breeze, however, was the last thing on my mind. Why did Kartik want to see me so soon? I contemplated whether it could be about him or something else. Then, I heard a rustle. I looked up, and just barely visible on the eaves of Spence's black roof, was a lumpy black cloak.

"Kartik," I whispered, "everyone's gone. You can come down." At first I thought I had made a terrible fool of myself when the strange lump didn't move. Kartik's rough hands eventually emerged from the cloak, and he began the climb down the vines and eaves to my window. I noticed he seemed slower somehow, worn-out almost. I stepped back to let him climb over the frame.

"Are you sure they won't come in? I couldn't hear very well up there," Kartik questioned. Now that he was closer, I could see how fatigued he looked. It frightened me seeing how closely he resembled the Kartik from my vision: pained expression, droopy eyes, and his once sure stance diminished.

"Yes. We should be fine at least until dinnertime. I have to ask first, however, if you are alright. You look…"

"Awful. Yes, I know. I've barely eaten in days and have had even less sleep than food. Because I know the Rakshana's modes of operation, I've had to avoid a few of my normal forms of sustenance."

I found my mouth hanging open and snapped it shut, embarrassed. In his mind "avoiding a few normal forms of sustenance" meant not sleeping or eating! Suddenly I had a strange urge to hug him. I admired his bravery. With this admiration came a burst of curiosity about his adventures. I wanted to know anything and everything about everything he had seen and done!

I pushed my longing to learn his tales away and said, "Kartik, I have to get you something to eat! There is no way you can last in this state much longer."

Kartik shook his head indicating "no," but as if right on cue, his stomach rumbled a low grumble. "Pardon me, Miss Doyle." He looked embarrassed at not being able to control his hunger. I was shocked to see a blush begin to creep up his neck not only for the fact that Kartik was actually blushing, but also because it was hard to believe his body still contained any color. "Don't worry yourself Miss Doyle. I will find something to eat later tonight in the forest." I was sad to see his blush disappear. The red tint made him appear more healthy and robust.

"Kartik, would you mind stepping out of the window for a moment and not looking in until I say so?" Kartik looked at me with a confused expression but did as he was told. As soon as he was clear of view, I slipped out of my dress and quickly pulled my nightgown over my corset and chemise. I felt the tingle of a scandal, changing in such close presence of a boy, especially seeing as that boy was Kartik. That didn't matter right now though. All I could think about were the lines I was practicing in my head. Quickly, I secured my robe around me and called Kartik back in. Seeing my informal attire, his eyes shot respectfully to the ground. "Now stay here, and I will be right back." He still seemed confused, but I had to be quick and alert in case Ann and Felicity should find me.

I swept out of the room and down the stairs. At the corner of the stairs and the hall, I peeked around to see if anyone was near. I spotted Ms. Nightwig and pressed myself flat against the wall until she stalked past to the back courtyard. I stole off again down the hallway to the kitchen. Inside I could hear Bridgid washing the dishes, readying them for tonight's dinner. Quickly, I rumpled my hair, rubbed at my eyes to make them water, and blew hot breath on my hands to moisten them.

I put my act on and practically trudged up to Bridgid at the sink. "Heavens child! Are you quite alright? Ol' Bridgid's not had the displeasure of seeing you in such a manner."

I mustered the sickliest voice I could. "Ah yes, Bridgid." I added a harsh cough for dramatic effect. "I believe I've caught a touch of something. I wanted to come to dinner later tonight, but I would not dare endanger the other girls' health with my condition."

"Indeed!" Bridgid dipped a ladle into the pot on the stove and poured some into a deep metal bowl. "Now eat that, don't leave your bed, and get outta my clean kitchen!" She handed me a spoon and smiled.

"Thank you so much Bridgid. Please inform Miss Worthington (another harsh coughing fit that I ended up regretting seeing as it really hurt my throat) and Miss Bradshaw that I will not be joining them at dinner tonight and that I will accompany them at classes tomorrow if you would be so kind."

"Of course Miss Doyle. Now get to bed!"

I tore out of the kitchen and up the stairs, clumsily spilling a little of the soup on my robe in the process. I closed the door behind me to my room to find Kartik waiting patiently by my bed. "For you, Mr. Kartik," I said, handing him the bowl and spoon.

Kartik looked at me with surprised and thankful eyes and said, "Miss Doyle, I can't thank you enough." He said it in a tone that led me to believe he had something else to say.

"Your welcome, and Gemma please." I watched him sit on the floor and eat the soup wildly, but at the same time with a certain amount of grace. Without thinking, I removed my robe and lied down sideways on my bed. A flush the color of dark crimson rose to my cheeks as realization hit me about what I had just done, but I tried to pass it off as if nothing has happened. It was too easy to be casual with Kartik. Kartik, however, stared at the robe on the hook as if it were a monster. He then quickly resumed eating.

Once he was finished, he took a seat on Ann's bed, and I quickly sat up. "Miss Doy-Gemma, I have missed you quite a bit the last few months."

"Just as I missed you! You must tell me about you adventures! Did you really go back to India?" I really was excited to finally get Kartik's story.

"It really was not as dashing of a tale as I believe you are picturing Gemma." He said my name soft and clear. "I actually spent more time here in the woods than you would believe. I needed to divert the Rakshana's attention only a few times really. The main place I visited was India. It was wonderful to be home with the familiar smells and foods and shops." His eyes were full of excitement. I noticed they usually did when he spoke of India. I knew how he felt though. I too would always regard India as my home. "That reminds me, I have a gift for you Gemma." He pulled a small blue box from his cloak. Out of the box fell a dainty ivory necklace with an elephant that matched my own into his hand.

"I know it's not much, but I thought you would like it. I also knew I owed you." He looked up at me with fierce chocolate eyes. My knees grew very unsteady, and I was glad I was sitting down. "You saved me from the Rakshana. I knew that what they were doing was wrong, but I was too absorbed in the feeling of acceptance to notice. You pulled me from that trance because you truly accepted me for who I was without having to prove myself. I couldn't wait to thank you. I suppose that is why I came earlier than expected. I tried to pull you aside on the lawn earlier, but you went inside to see that bloody Muddleton." He had lost his temper. He calmed down and apologized to me.

"So I hurried up to your room, scribbled the note on a scrap of parchment in my cloak, and waited. I knew you had to come up eventually, and I didn't mind waiting. Then, here we are."

I'd never heard him ramble before. It was so…vulnerable. I was starting to love the fact that he could speak so freely to me. I hurried to the floor and hugged him tightly. At first he tensed up at my touch. He soon loosened up and wrapped his arms around me as well. All of a sudden I choked out what had happened in the foyer and in my vision.

He was all business again. "Was this your first vision since you sealed the magic?" I nodded grimly. "We had better work on restoring the order quickly then." He almost seemed empowered by the news. Or maybe it was just the soup digesting in his body.

He hopped up to the window frame, and I noticed it was dark outside. How long had we really talked?

"I'll sleep in the caves tonight so you can find me if you need me."

"Thank you again for the necklace." He smiled at me and left. I took my hair out of its tight bun on the top of my head, and I fingered through my curls. I blew out my oil lamp and sighed, looking at the floor. I heard a thump and jumped to face the window. It was Kartik. In the dark he was no longer pale and his brown eyes were stunning. My knees were threatening to give out so I quickly asked him why he had come back.

"I came back because I didn't have enough courage." I was thoroughly confused until he took three purposeful strides towards me. "When I started to climb down that vine I realized I was only afraid to have enough courage because of what might happen." He laced his arm around my back and pressed his lips to mine. If he hadn't been holding me up, I would have been a heap on the floor, no thanks to my knees. My heart started to tingle, and I couldn't tell if it was speeding up or slowing down. He wrapped his fingers in my hair. The familiar scent of cinnamon was back and crawling through my head. I was reminded of the last kiss in the stables so long ago. I hoped this didn't end in a similar fashion.

He took a step back towards the window. I could see his bright red cheeks and wondered if mine were the same shade. I suddenly felt a little self-conscious not being able to wipe the goofy grin from my face until he said, "I'm not so afraid anymore." I closed my eyes in pure bliss, and when I opened them, he was gone. I fell into a stunned, peaceful silence as I lied back onto my bed. I quickly fell asleep and dreamt of nothing but elephant rides through the deserts of India with Kartik behind me on the elephant, clutching my waist.


	3. Complicated

**I AM NOT LIBBA BRAY!!! Don't you just love disclaimers? I do. Well the 1st and 2nd chapters were edited and the kiss scene was changed thankfully (since it was dreadfully written the first time) so you might want to check that out. Hopefully you will like this chapter. I will warn you, however, the first half was completely influenced by the DePauw University concert band's CD that I have and the 2nd half was completely influenced by all CDs by Fall Out Boy. You have been warned! Enjoy!**

Complicated

I think I woke up smiling. Did I? I really don't quite remember. In fact, most of the day I can't recall. Every time I tried to come up with some kind of conscious thought I could only see Kartik in my dark room. I would look out of a window and imagine that I saw his chocolate eyes staring at me through the tree trunks. Was I imagining or was he really there. My imagination lately was very vivid so I truly couldn't tell.

Felicity and Ann spoke to me. Did I answer them? I remember forming my replies, but did they ever escape my lips? Their laughs I remember. Yes! They did laugh. At me, in fact. In Madam LaFarge's class I was called on to translate a sentence. Vaguely I can picture myself saying _omlette du fromage_ in a distant voice. There was the laughter. That must have momentarily shook me from my trance because I said, "_Si seulement vous l'une triste pourrait que quel bonheur est veritablement et sent comme._" I remember their puzzled looks wondering how I had managed to even form a sentence.

Past that all I can remember was being released to our free period. I sat in a few chairs outside with Ann and Felicity. I started to realize that if I didn't pull myself out of this dazed state, they would begin to wonder what was wrong with me. "I was so embarrassed in French today," I said, attempting to act as through I wanted to talk.

"Have you been okay today? You've seemed…distant all day, especially in French. Well, brilliant and distant in French," Felicity replied.

I stumbled over a lie. "I was just still shaken over what happened yesterday." Why did it matter if I fed them a few white lies now? I was going to tell them the truth eventually. I didn't cause the state I was in. "I feel sick." I wasn't lying on that count. I just didn't mention the type of sickness. Lovesick. That was the answer, plain and simple. Last night brought me that answer to the question of what has been wrong with me these last few months.

I pardoned myself from the group using the excuse of my "condition." The girls seemed to believe me, and I skirted through the halls to the back door. I checked to make sure no one had followed me and head out to the back courtyard. I slipped past the young girls playing house. My ears seemed to shatter with their shrill laughs. Past the dense trees I saw the opening to the caves.

Excitedly, I ran up to the entrance. I saw the myriad of cave paintings and a dancing light farther into the cave. I walked up to the crackling fire and smiled when I saw Kartik sleeping next to the fire. My smile quickly faded, however, when I looked at the floor of the cave. Blood was smeared all around the edge of the fire. I noticed the makeshift spear resting against the wall. The thought of hunting made me a bit queasy, but I wanted to scold myself for my girlish ways. It felt as though someone was watching me. Kartik sat up, and I realized he must have been the one watching me.

"Hello Gemma. How are you today?" Kartik seemed very cheery.

"I am quite fine this afternoon. And yourself?" I tried to match his cheeriness with my own.

"Rather sleepy if I do say so myself! Please excuse my mess. I was a little overzealous with my lunch seeing as I was so hungry. You can sit down if you'd like. I'm sure you and your two friends have claimed this place by now so do as you will. This cave belongs more to you than me I suppose."

I knew it was improper, but I started to feel a desire to be a little flirtatious. What did it matter though? He said this place basically belonged to me. Also, this was Kartik. He wouldn't judge or by cross over my behavior. Casually, I kicked off my boots and let my hair down. "I have to spend the entire day so stiff. It feels so nice to lay back a little." I sat, well more like draped myself, across the smoothest rock by the fire. "Please tell me about the places you traveled to over these last few months. I've just been itching to hear about them." I strategically placed a strand of hair behind my ear. I felt ridiculous. Kartik probably thought I was acting like something of a strumpet. Realizing this, I quickly repositioned myself so I was sitting straight up. I pulled my hair over my shoulder and moved my boots together neatly near the rock I was sitting on.

"Really Gemma, my story is not that grand. I'll tell you about my time in India if you would really like to hear it. Before I start though, let me tell you that you really don't have to try to impress me. That is a feat you accomplish without even trying."

I blushed at his forwardness. Actually my shade of crimson was caused more by my embarrassment of my behavior. I quietly muttered an apology and moved to sit across the fire to face him. The next few hours were my favorite ever spent with him. We talked and listened until our mouths and ears threatened to fall off. He told me about his month in India. Just the description of the bustling cities made me long for a trip there. I told him again about my worries about Simon and what the vision might have meant. Once it was too dark to see Spence from the cave, I stood up. Trying to prolong my goodbye, I dusted off my skirts and pulled on my boots. I aimlessly patted my hair down. Finally I said, "Have a nice night Kartik. Shall I come by tomorrow?"

"Yes, midnight would be best I think." He paused. He looked up and down as if contemplating a difficult question. "You should head back to the school now. Dinner should almost be over." He looked down at the ground. His wild, dark curls fell around his face.

I turned to walk out of the cave. Taking one last glance behind me at Kartik, I sighed. I walked out of the cave and up to Spence while thinking about the confusing relationship I shared with Kartik. At times, we hated each other and only saw each other as deplorable necessities. At other times we acted like friends who have had each other since childhood. Less often even, we would treat each other as something more than friends. I couldn't figure out which state of our relationship we wanted to stay in.

At these thoughts I started to feel anguish for my friendships with Felicity and Ann. I missed the moments of carelessness we used to share in the Realms and with Pippa. We hadn't even visited the Realms since I bound the magic. For hours we would make our deepest and most desirable dreams come true. A knight for Pippa, archery lessons for Felicity, beauty and song for Ann, and for me, my mother. The adventures we spent in search of the infamous Temple were some of the most terrifying yet irreplaceable moments in my life. We didn't even begin to restore the Order as we had planned to do. I couldn't blame that fact on Felicity and Ann, though. It was I who strayed from the idea of restoring proper order in and out of the Realms. I realized how many promises I had broken that I made to myself about the Order and how I would handle things.

My head began to ache, and tears threatened to spill over my eyes as I reached the steps of Spence. I was completely rattled when I saw Ann and Felicity step out of the dining room. I walked up to them with all intentions of hugging them and telling them the truths about what happened and apologizing for my actions towards them and our goals, but I just kept quiet and let the aforementioned scene play through my mind. "Well finally! Where have you been? We have looked all over for you!" Felicity said as she looped her arm through mine. "And why do you smell like fire smoke?"

"I've just been on a walk to clear my head." More lies. I was disgusted with myself. Unfortunately I had missed vespers on account of my little visit with Kartik so I was unable to at least receive forgiveness from whatever God everyone here seemed to believe in.

"For three whole hours?" Felicity looked doubtful.

"Yes, I did in fact." When did I get this way? The lies seemed to come out too smoothly, just like when my mother and I were fighting so much before my sixteenth birthday. "I took a nice stroll around the forest. I found out that the old gypsy camp set up here again." Felicity's face fell at my last comment, just as I knew it would at my lie. At least she was off of my back.

Wow, I was even malicious now. I wasn't even trying to have these words come out of my mouth; if anything, I was only trying to prevent them, but they just kept sliding out.

"Really Gemma, now why would gypsy camps matter to us?" Felicity said in her tightest voice possible. I forgot that I was still the only one that knew about her little fling with the gypsy boy.

"I just thought it might be of interest. Goodnight ladies!" I rushed to my room for the fear that I would be sick from the onslaught of guilt from my misdeeds. Once in my room, I changed and went to bed. I slept restlessly and had horrible dreams similar to my vision that now involved me laughing at Kartik as he lie dying. The worst part of the nightmare was seeing Felicity and Ann in the distance looking at me as if they had no idea who I was.

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The next morning I woke to Ann shaking me. "Gemma! Wake up! Fast! Please hurry, it is urgent!"

"Ann, what is the matter?" I asked rather groggily.

"It's Felicity! She got really upset about something after dinner! She stormed out into the forest and never came back! You have to help me find her!" Ann was in complete hysterics. I got up and dressed as fast as I could. When we ran downstairs I was surprised to see no one up in the halls. Before we ran out of the doors, I noticed it was barely 6:00 AM.

Once we reached the steps, I almost tripped because the sun was still hidden behind the trees and horizon. I disregarded the time and hurried behind Ann.

We headed into the forest. Our search was cut short when no more than four feet into the overgrowth, I spotted Felicity heading towards us with a mischievous smile on her face. I was about to scold her for worrying Ann so much when Ann stepped beside Felicity with the same grin. "Ann, is she gullible or are your acting skills becoming even more exceptional? Regardless, it's time Gemma. We know."

Hope you enjoyed it! It would have been up sooner had it not been for stupid fanfiction dot net being, well, stupid! The French words meant first "cheese omelet" and the second phrase was "If only you sad ones knew what happiness truly is and feels like." Again, that last phrase was weird but influenced by DePauw band, so blame them for its lameness. SMILES!!


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